Draft Series: When Our Relationship Almost Ended

Originally Drafted: 5.24.2015

So, this week my relationship with my boyfriend, Khory, almost ended. 

You're all probably wondering what happened (and if you're not, I'm going to tell you anyway). So if you've been reading my blog for any amount of time, or if you know me well enough, it shouldn't  be a surprise to you that fear is something that I struggle with...big time. From the fear of the future to the  fear of getting it wrong... let's just say I have a plethora of apprehensions when I think about my life. So let me set the stage for my story:

Between last weekend and this week I have been hearing a lot of stories of people in failed relationships. People who have dealt with hurt and brokenness and pain, on a real---REAL level. People who love God. Better yet, people who God loves. And so, instead of listening to these stories and bringing them before the Lord, what did I do? I hoarded them in my heart, right next to my pile of insecurities and doubts. 

So when my boyfriend calls to tell me a praise report, YES...A PRAISE REPORT, instead of listening to the victory of God's protection and faithfulness in the situation, I buckle in fear and enter into panic mode. His praise report supplied me with just enough material to fuel the momentum of my unhealthy "what-if's", which were all rooted in a lack of faith in God! And guys, as much as I'd love to say that this was my first time responding in this manner, I can't. The interesting thing about being in relationships with people(friendships,sisterhoods,leadership,etc.) is that the Holy Spirit will use those relationships to show you areas of your life that you aren't submitting to Him. I knew I struggled with fear, but I always thought it just affected me. But sin NEVER only affects one person (responding out of fear is sin because Romans 14:23 says " Whatever does not proceed from faith is sin"). Not only did my response deeply hurt Khory, it also allowed him to see a selfish fearful, sinful and dark part of me. EVen more than that, my response displayed a lack of faith in God and the power of His gospel. And that was the worst part. 

But God is faithful.

He has a wonderful way of continually extending His amazing grace and ever-abounding patience to His children. And the Holy Spirit teaches us how to extend that same grace and patience to others and ourselves. Two days after this happened. Heather Lindsey had this as her Facebook status:

"Stop anticipating what hasn't happen[ed] in fear. Instead, simply believe the best. Why is it that we put more faith in things NOT working out vs. things working out? Place your trust in God, HE provides, leads, comforts & takes care of you.. if you let Him. He flows through faith, not fear."

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I remember this experience guys. Looking back at it now...I'm so ...appalled by my response, but that's totally where I was in that season. 3 years ago. I remember the dating process/courting, and the fact that I'm sure my fear stole so many of the precious moments. At the end of the day though, I'm so glad that Khory forgave me, despite the COUNTLESS mounts of times I responded to him in fear and that the Lord helped me to walk forward into this lifelong covenant with this amazing man. 

Are any of you in relationships? How do you deal with fears if/when they creep up?