Weight and Body Image

You guys know how I thoroughly enjoy writing blog posts about lessons I've learned, and things the Lord has brought me through? Yeah? WELP, this ISNT one of those. This is one of the, "I am literally in the midst of this issue right now, and just about ten minutes ago I was having unhealthy thoughts towards myself", so...if you were hoping to read a blog post about how I've overcome my struggle with weight and body image issues...sorry, but this isn't that.

Freshman year of college 2011

I would love to start from the very beginning, except I have no idea where that is. Throughout the years my weight has fluctuated, within about 10-15 lbs, depending on the season of life. Usually, during life transitions I either gain, or lose weight, until I stabilize to my normal weight. For example in college during freshman year, I gained about..15 lbs (Freshman 15 anyone?), that eventually stabilized back to normal. 

Then around the time when Khory and I were dating, I ended up losing weight, and going back to my high school weight, unintentionally. I guess I was running off of the butterflies he gave me. After getting engaged/married, I gained back some weight.  Currently, my weight has once again stabilized, and I think it has established its new normal, but..this number still isn't the ideal number I would like to be.  

Wedding dress shopping 2016

So what's the big deal you ask? Well, the big deal is that, this time around...I haven't been very kind to myself, as far as the thoughts I have had towards myself. I am grateful for my mother-in-love pointing out to me that I wasn't necessarily being kind in the way I was viewing my body. So, although I have been exercising more often, and continuing to eat healthy, I have still been extremely hard on myself for the lack of progress I've seen. And honestly guys, I'd be lying if I said that unhealthy options for losing weight hasn't sometimes crossed my mind. I think we develop this idea of what beauty is and what it looks like for each of us, and sometimes it's frustrating when you feel as if you're not measuring up. In all honesty, no matter how many times other people say " your body is beautiful just the way it is" or the million and one compliments my husband gives me, if I don't believe them, then the impact is only momentary. 

Admittedly though guys, this isn't just a physical issue. I truly think the Lord is stretching me to love the way I look, and be kind to myself in an area that I didn't even think I was struggling in...or at least, not forthcoming about. The journey isn't necessarily fun, but I know it will be worth it. I want my daughter, and all her future siblings to know their worth in Christ, and to love the way the Lord has made them, even if they have aspects they'd like to improve on. 

So, here's my current game plan to having a healthier view of my body:

• I'll ask the Lord to renew my mind and habits
• I'll keep making healthy choices
• I'll speak and think kind words about my body
• I'll put on my red lipstick and dance/ sing as hard as I can to "This is Me" from the Greatest Showman ...it's therapeutic

If you're in a similar place, or have worked through your own issues with body image...I'm open to hear some words of advice/encouragement. Comment below. Love you all! 

Be encouraged, God is on your side :)

Waves

These past months have been marked by waves- waves of lessons, waves of reflection, waves of emotions, waves of Truth. In the midst of them, I despise them. Afterwards...I despise them. Okay, lol, I'm kidding about the afterwards part. In reality, the  Lord promises us that " suffering produces perseverance, perseverance produces character, character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us" (Romans 5:2-5). His word also reminds us that the "testing of our faith produces endurance, and the result of enduring is being mature and complete" (James 1:4). I believe this! One of the issues that I have is that after learning about one lesson, and the Lord teaching me through one wave, I start rejoi....here comes another one....


Let me clarify something: majority of these "waves" are not so much external things, as much as they are faulty conditions of my heart. Here are several of the ones I've experienced these past months, and what the Lord has taught, and is teaching me through it all.

1. Wave of me...wave of pride
This wave seemed to start off from a good place. The Lord bringing to my attention my sin. That's great right. Until...you leave it there. You see that story is incomplete. The Holy Spirit magnifies Jesus, not us, so the fact that I was fixated with what I was doing wrong, and how I have to do better, and how I am messed up, without responding by fixing my eyes on the beautiful Perfection of Jesus, is wrong.

Truth check: It is all about Jesus. (PERIOD). Really, it is ALL ABOUT JESUS. Sometimes I relate to God as if I think it's the Diana Show ft. Jesus Christ. I go about my day thinking about me, and then I sprinkle some Jesus in there. That is utterly messed up. It is all about Him. He is Lord over all. When revelation of sin, begins with sorrow and ends with me throwing a pity party about myself...I've missed the entire beautiful picture of the Gospel: Jesus choosing to lay down His perfect life for a sinful, broken, and messed up world.

Verses: Romans 11:36 For from Him, and through Him and for Him are all things. To Him be glory forever!Amen.

2. Wave of "I need to make a drastic change"
This wave is characterized by me feeling, you guessed it, I need to make a drastic change. LOL. "Maybe I should drop out of grad school?" "Maybe I should go pursue acting?" "Maybe I should go lead worship?" "Maybe this?" "Maybe that." The reality is ...maybe I need to be still and seek the Lord right where I am. Ouch. But really? I know my last post was about the transition in seasons, and you would've thought that I'd get the memo, but nope. I still wrestled with.. the " I need to be doing something totally radical to be 'in the WILL OF GOD' mindset.
Truth check: Being ' in the will of God' doesn't always look like what we think it should look like. Don't get me wrong, the same elements will be there, but they might not be manifested in the way we might be expecting them. Dying to self, taking up our cross, doing justice, love mercy, growing in righteousness, beign transformed in the renewal of my mind...all these things are ' in the will of God', and God is cultivating them in me...right where I am now. When he wants us to move, He'll let us know. I don't have to go pining over trying to figure it out.
Verses: Micah 6:8 He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.
Romans 12:2 Be not conformed to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may prove what is the good, perfect, acceptable will of God.

3. Wave of guilt and regret
This has been the most recent one, and it hurts in a unique way. I keep recounting a decision I've made in my head..and it has felt like it's been driving me crazy. Ive cried about it, Ive prayed about it, I've thought about it, I've dreamt about it (well, more like a nightmare..and woke Khory up in the middle of the night with my crying...he's the best!), and I've thought about it some more.
Truth check: Although I may not be able to see the end of this one yet, I know that God will work through this. And that is all I need to know.
Verse: Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose.

What waves have you encountered? and what has the LORD taught you through them? Id love to hear about it,


Be encouraged, He will bring the good work He has begun in us to completion :)

Diana

What Matters Most

I've been meaning to make this blog post a very long time ago. The idea has been floating in my head and heart for quite some time, and so here I am, finally giving substance and tangibility to those mental processes. Before I go into what I want to discuss, I just want to really stress that we serve an amazing God. A God who is gentle and patient towards us. One who is love. He is literally Love. And it's His love that is carrying me through this difficult and painstaking process. He is the Good Shepherd of my soul.

I've found a noticeable commonality among my favorite Bible verses. They usually pertain to intimacy with God. If any of you know me really well, you won't be surprised by that statement. I desire intimacy. I love openness, and closeness within relationships. Hence, the same goes for my relationship with God. Verses that speak about delighting myself in the Lord (Psalm 37:4); or tasting and seeing that He is good (Psalm 34:8); verses that beckon my heart to  magnify the Lord and exalt His name forever (Psalm 34:3); or verses that remind me that nothing in this present world, or in the future could ever separate me from the amazing love that I have found in Him (Rom 8:38), are usually the ones that resound and echo the song of my heart the most. Thus, when I heard Psalm 73:25-26, it struck a huge a chord with me.

The Psalmist, Asaph, writes "25 Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. 26 My flesh an my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever".

I remember reading that verse and wanting so desperately for it to be the cry of my heart-wanting so much to be able to truly say to God, "when compared to who You are in my life, and my desire for you, nothing else in this world matters to me. You are my sole heart's desire". In all honesty guys, for a very long time, I could freely repeat that phrase because although the veracity (truth) of the content has been challenged in my life, it has seldom been on a major scale, and it was usually challenged by some external influence. Surely, God was the sole desire of my heart! I mean, He's been my everything since middle school. Right?

But, in all honesty, as graduation approaches,  I've found myself wrestling with the the reality of what matters most in life. When I think about my future, can I honestly say "there is nothing on earth that I desire beside You?" After all these years, I've finally found myself in a place where the answer to that question has become seemingly more difficult. And surprisingly, the doubt and ambiguity is stemming from within me, more-so than it is from external pressures. Because I've realized, that if my answer is still yes, then that affects everything. Am I willing to relinquish my own selfish idea of success for the sake of the Gospel?

As I ponder this, I am reminded of the parable that Jesus gave about the man who found a treasure hidden in the field, and because he was so joyful, he went and sold all he had and bought the field. Or the merchant who, while looking for fine pearls, found one of such great value that he went and sold all that he had, and bought it (Matt 13:44-46). May we be like that. May the the joy that we've found in the person of Jesus Christ be more than enough for us and our decisions for the future. My prayer is that the good pleasure of His will, will become the number one desire of our hearts. I want Him to be what matters most in my life, so that I can eternally etch the words of Psalm 73:25-26 on my heart, and truthfully declare:

"25 Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. 26 My flesh an my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever"

In the midst

Real talk: Reality is hitting me. Honestly. The reality of my impending graduation , mixed with the ambiguity of my future is becoming pretty overwhelming for me. It's definitely revealing many fears that I've somehow managed to tuck away in the dark crevices of my heart. But, Jesus is definitely shining His light on them. Some of these fears I thought I had overcome, others I didn't even know existed!

Fear of failure

Fear of disappointing loved ones

Fear of not fulfilling my purpose

Fear of being stuck

Fear of living a life of mediocrity,  because I was too afraid to follow my passions.

Many of my blog posts are written "after the fact". After  learning the lesson. After overcoming the fear. After being encouraged. But not this one. I'm writing this one in the midst. In the midst of the fear, and tears, and fear. And that's okay. Because God is still good. So, what's the plan of action? 

• Meditate on this truth from Psalm 37:3-7a:
• 3Trust in the Lord, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed. 4Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. 5Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass. 
   6And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday.
   7Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him:

•         Meditate on this truth from Prov 3:3-8
• 3Let not mercy and truth forsake thee: bind them about thy neck; write them upon the table of thine heart:
   4So shalt thou find favour and good understanding in the sight of God and man.
   5Trust in theLord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
   6In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
   7Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil.
   8It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones.

• Pray 

•  Work toward accomplishing the little goals that I have so far, (without becoming overwhelmed)

•  Be diligent in looking into options for my future ( without becoming overwhelmed)

• Give thanks, even in the midst, knowing that God has not forsaken me, and that He's faithful.

Be encouraged,

Diana

Worth the Wait

I've heard the phrase "Worth the Wait" used many times with regards to an individual's commitment to purity unto God and their future spouse.What a bold proclamation of truth in the midst of a society that praises instant gratification, and has a "in less than 5 minutes" option for just about everything.
The title of my blog is "Waiting for Him", and it's based on the verse from Hosea 12:6. A verse that reminds us to "hold fast to love and justice, and to wait for [our] Lord God continually" (ESV). I don't know about you all, but for me, waiting has a distinct feeling- one characterized by unique amalgamation of anticipation & pain, longing & forbearance, desire & sometimes doubt. This morning I read an article on DesiringGod.com , written by David Mathis, and these words stuck out to me, 

 "But part of waiting is the conscious hardship. We taste the bitter pill of patience and feel it slither ever so slowly down our throat. It’s not patience when we’re gloriously unaware of the waiting."

These words truly opened my eyes to the reality of my heart. You see, I usually don't mind waiting...as long as it doesn't feel like waiting. For example, if I'm having visitors over and I'm scrambling up to the last minute of their arrival (due to my procrastination), it doesn't exactly  feel as if I've waited upon their arrival. However, if I've cleaned my house ahead of time and had nothing else to actively do in preparation for my guests, I would find myself looking out the window every 5 minutes in anticipated expectation. That's what waiting feels like. 

As followers of Christ, we are constantly exhorted to "wait on the Lord". I don't think this is a mindless-twiddling-your-thumb kind of waiting, but it IS waiting nonetheless. It SHOULD have a distinct feel to it. A feeling of hope, joy, expectation, longing. In Christ we have the freedom to have "patience and endurance with joy" (Col 1:11). The reality of knowing that when Jesus died on our behalf, He fully took the wrath of God that we deserved, and in His resurrection, He has reconciled us to the Father is Good News. This means I don't have to be scrambling around trying to earn my salvation, in fear that my life will end, and I wont be ready. Instead this gives me the freedom to live life...actually live life. Live life in freedom and obedience to the Savior, knowing that I have already been justified,forgiven, reconciled, and I'm continually being transformed into the image of Christ.

1 Thessalonians 5:18 says to "give thanks in all things", and I literally believe that this verse means exactly what it says. Honestly though, upon til like ...an hour ago, I've NEVER once remembered ever saying thanks to God for having the opportunity to wait on Him. I have never seen waiting as something to be actively thankful for. Why not? Because my rationale behind waiting is: 

whoever is being waited upon, should say thanks to the person who is actively doing the waiting. 

And while that logic probably has some social relevance, when it comes to the matter of waiting upon the Creator of the Universe...erm...that ideology is pretty faulty. I am not waiting on God in hopes that He'll look at me and say "sorry I took so long. Will you forgive me? It wont happen again". 

When we look at waiting in Scripture, we see verses such as:

Isaiah 40:31 "But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." 

Psalm 27:14 "Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord."

 Psalm 40:1-3:"(To the chief Musician, A Psalm of David.) I waited patiently for the LORD; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry. He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, [and] established my goings. And he hath put a new song in my mouth, [even] praise unto our God: many shall see [it], and fear, and shall trust in the LORD."

All these verses reveal to us that waiting on the Lord is good! In His infinite graciousness, God has perfectly orchestrated that in waiting for Him; He renews our strength, He hears our prayers, He strengthens our hearts. Although we are waiting upon Him, we are STILL recipients of  His goodness. Our praises and thanksgiving are STILL due to Him, even amidst the waiting.

Ultimately, all of creation is waiting. Waiting for the glory of the coming Christ, and His followers to be revealed (Rom 8:19) Yet, of all things we can wait for: vacation, degrees, spouse, children, jobs, etc.

 Jesus is always going to be the One who is ultimately, "Worth the Wait".

Be Encouraged,

 Diana

Faith and Wisdom

I enjoy road trips, especially ones taken with the people you love. I think back to my earlier years, when both my sisters were away at university and I lived at home with my mommy. There was such anticipation and joy in my heart when I knew we would be taking a road trip to see one of my sisters. As soon as we left the city limits,  the scenery was filled with pastoral lush and ...road signs. All sorts of them. Road signs that beckoned me into the "Dinosaur Exhibit" that was the next exit over, ones that deterred me from the road block that was ahead 3 miles, and ones that informed me that a baby's heartbeat started 18 days after conception (wow, I cant believe I remembered this one). That's when I saw a road sign, or a progression of four road signs that really intrigued me.  They were each a couple hundred feet away and they read:

Like Oil and Vinegar

Stone and Brick

Drinking and Driving

Just don't Mix

I remember thinking that that might have been one of the most clever road signs I'd seen. It was a mini poem. Haha. Anyhow...I said all that to get to my main point of things that seem like they just Don't Mix. In my faith, my ignorance has lead me to thinking that faithfulness to God and His calling for an individual's life, does not mix with wisdom. I read Proverbs 7 the other day and verses 1-4 advise : My son, keep my words, and lay up my commandments with thee."Keep my commandments, and live; and my law as the apple of thine eye.Bind them upon thy fingers, write them upon the table of thine heart.Say unto wisdom, Thou [art] my sister; and call understanding [thy] kinswoman:"

These verses really made an impression on me. God, in His infinite wisdom, speaks to us in ways that we will understand. Last weekend I got the chance to spend time with my sisters, who  happen to also be 2 of my best friends. So when I read verse 4 that says I should say to wisdom "you are my sister", it painted such a clear picture in my head of just how close I should cling to wisdom.

The Hebrew word for wisdom is "chokmah", which in the Bible is used to refer to wisdom in skill (war); in administration; being shrewd; prudence (in religious affairs); and in ethics (Strong's concordance).

Here we see that wisdom isn't this nonsensical, mindless obedience. I don't think that's what God calls us to. The more I grow in Christ is the more I grow in wisdom, ( Prov 1:7). Wisdom in all aspects of my life. Wisdom that is not quarantined to high and pompous religious matters, but to decisions made everyday. Practical wisdom that tells me that I should study for my exam the next morning, instead of spending the night browsing the internet. Wisdom that tells me that I should be a good steward of my finances. Wisdom in all things.

Moreover, with Wisdom, I am able to grow in my trusting obedience- one that is dependent on the reality of who God is :). So, obedience to God and wisdom actually DO go hand in hand. Don't get me wrong, there might be moments when I wont completely understand why God does something the way He chooses to, or the complete reason as to why He calls me to do something; however, I can trust in the wisdom of His unfailing character. In that sense, Faithfulness to God and Wisdom dance to the same beautiful tune. 

Soo, are you facing a decision in life that you really have no idea how to tackle? Or are you like me and just need some practical wisdom on how to navigate in your day to day circumstances and interactions with others?: 

1.Ask the Lord to lead you and give you the wisdom to make the best decisions. (James 1:5)

2. Seek Godly counsel from other close believers (Prov 11:14)

3. Hold fast to what is good -is in line with Scripture/ doesn't go against it (1 Thess 5:21)

4. Apply that wisdom. Act in Faith (Psalm 90:12)

 James 1:5 "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7 That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord.8 Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do."

Grace and Peace,

Diana

the One who truly satisfies

Lately, God has been teaching me what it means to be truly satisfied.

 “Come, everyone who thirsts,

come to the waters;

and he who has no money,

come, buy and eat!

Come, buy wine and milk

without money and without price.

2 Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread,

and your labor for that which does not satisfy?

Listen diligently to me, and eat what is good,

and delight yourselves in rich food.

3 Incline your ear, and come to me;

hear, that your soul may live;

and I will make with you an everlasting covenant,

my steadfast, sure love for David. (Isaiah 55:1-3, ESV)

Have you ever been to a buffet restaurant before? Come on. Don't lie. You eat an obscene amount of food, leave with a sense of regret/repentance for your gluttony, and then 2 hours later.....you're hungry again. Wait! What! What happened to that plate of chicken and broccoli? the orange chicken? the shrimp pasta? the wonton soup? the ...okay, you get the point. 

The food satisfied, but only for a moment. 

I'm convinced that each and every person is looking for satisfaction. You can quote me me on that. We are all looking to fill ourselves with something, or someone. Even if you don't necessarily feel the literal "void" of dissatisfaction, if you take a moment and consider your life decisions, you'll see that they were made to satisfy an unmet desire. 

Before coming to Christ, I had no idea I was dissatisfied. I was fine with my life as long as everyone was fine with me. But, there's the problem. That's where I was dissatisfied. I kept looking to other people:family, friends, strangers... to satisfy me. As long as they thought I was "nice" and "a good person", then I was satisfied. But, if there was ever an altercation/someone didn't like me...the void of dissatisfaction with my identity became apparent.

Right now, some of you are trying to satisfy yourself with a guy/girl, or education & success, or food, or beauty & fitness, or serving others, or  ___________. But I can assure you, that the satisfaction that comes from these things will only be temporary. It wont last forever. It is not eternal. 

Don't get me wrong here. These things are great, and not inherently wrong. I love relationships. Education is a beautiful thing. Food....c'mon, need I explain myself? etc. But the fact is that until we come to know Jesus Christ, and look to Him as our complete source of satisfaction, we will always come up empty.

In John 4, Jesus encounters a Samarian woman at the well. He engages in a conversation with her, and He quickly addresses her dissatisfaction. You see, not only was this woman socially ostracized, but she also kept looking for her identity in various relationships with men. She had 5 ex-husbands, and the man she was living with was not her husband. This woman came to the well to fill her water jar. She came, once again, to the source to be satisfied. Here is a snippet of the conversation between her and Jesus:

Jesus said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, 14 but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again.The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” 15 The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water, so that I will not be thirsty or have to come here to draw water."

Jesus was inviting this woman to feast of Him. To drink of Him. To find her complete satisfaction in who He is! At the end of their encounter, when the woman finally realizes that Jesus is the Messiah, she leaves her water jar. Can you believe that? The very purpose for which she came to the well was completely abandoned when she encountered the One who truly satisfies.

Guys, this is what we were created to do. To find our complete satisfaction in God, and in turn, bring glory to His name. 

Food for thought (get it? lol): 

Psalm 107:9 For he satisfies the longing soul,
    and the hungry soul he fills with good things.

Jeremiah 2:13 "for my people have committed two evils:

they have forsaken me,
    the fountain of living waters,
and hewed out cisterns for themselves,
    broken cisterns that can hold no water."

John 6:35 "Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst."

2AM

Hey guys, if you know anything about me, you know it's WAYYY past my usual bedtime! I'm up studying for an exam (shout-out to Vickie for the Cuban coffee). While I'm studying for this Foundations of Counseling exam, I have something weighing on my heart and mind. I won't bother to divulge all the deats, but a song just came on my Pandora station "Jesus, Lover of My Soul". Its a really simple song, and the part that got me were these lyrics:

"It's all about You, Jesus
And all this is for You
For Your glory and your fame
It's not about me
As if You should do things my way
You alone are God
And I surrender to your ways"

I'm just reminded what living a life of surrender means. You know. How presumptuous of me to think that God has to work things out the way I think He should, on my time table. Silly Diana.  I really need to just soak these verses in:

 8" For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," saith the Lord.

9 "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts."

(Isaiah 55:8-9)

I hear you Daddy, you have way better ideas than my puny brain could ever formulate. I trust in You.

Night you guys,

Diana

Oh Be D Ence

Hey guys. Where do I begin? :). I feel like I have so much to say! Soo...let's see... I finally decided that I'm gonna start reading about David. After my last reading plan ended,I was a little confused as to where to go from there, but I am pretty excited about what God is going to show me through the life of David. The first thing I read the other day was in 1 Samuel 15, regarding God's rejection of Saul as King. In a nutshell: Saul was commanded to defeat the Amalekites and destroy ALL their livestock. Instead Saul decided to spare the life of Agag (the Amalekite king), and preserved the best livestock to sacrifice it to God instead. That was a NO-NO. Saul obeyed mere men instead of being obedient to the commandment of God. I mean, obviously in our human minds we can rationalize "but God, they wanted to give you a great offering"
 But, as the Prophet Samuel told Saul, "What is more pleasing to the LORD: your burnt offerings and sacrifices or your obedience to his voice? Listen! Obedience is better than sacrifice, and submission is better than offering the fat of rams." (v.22). 


This totally got me. So many times, I will think I have a GREAT idea, and God MUST be on board with it...when in reality, all He is calling me to do is simply obey. 


Later on that night when I went to my campus ministry meeting (Christian Campus Fellowship), my campus director was preaching about obeying God. He challenged us to go in prayer and ask God, "what aspects of my life am I not being obedient?" It's one of those questions I wanted to ask, but was kind of afraid because I was pretty sure I already knew the answer.
 
Let me be honest with you guys, one of the hardest things for me to obey God in is my career choice. Yeah, no kidding. I literally get scared and fearful (which is not of God), when I think about the ways in which He might want to use me. I get nervous and anxious about the dreams and passions He has placed inside of me.

I was walking the other day, and I realized that many times when I walk, I look at my feet. I had just came from visiting one of my best friends, and she was SUPER EXCITED about an idea that she was finally working towards. Now, I've known this girl for almost 10 years, and she HAS always been a "FAITH" girl. I mean, she dreams BIG and isn't afraid of it. I left her presence being so pumped about her idea, but then I got discouraged, thinking: "what am I doing with the passions that God has given me?" That's when I realized on my walk back home that I stared at my feet a lot. I always have enough faith to make that next step. 
 
                To go to that next audition. To sing that one song. To act in that play.


I've come to realize though, that through simple obedience and trust in what God tells me to do I end up being planted where He has called me. God is Good you guys! He knows each of His children specifically, and knows how to uniquely speak to each of our hearts! I'll take courage in the fact that even though my future might seem daunting at times, I know that He has NEVER failed me, and that through faith in who He is and obedience to what He tells me, I'll find that I end up being in His perfect will.. Reminds me of the verse in Isaiah 30 that says
"Your own ears will hear him (God). Right behind you a voice will say,
“This is the way you should go,”whether to the right or to the left." 

That's super encouraging. I might not have everything figured out, but I'm trusting the One who does! 

Most Importantly, I urge you all to remember that we serve the Risen Savior ( Jesus), who was obedient to the point of death.So that He could reconcile us to Himself. Making a beautiful exchange: our sins, for His righteousness! 

Other resources I found helpful regarding this topic:

 https://community.focusonthefamily.com/b/boundless/archive/2014/02/05/ready-for-the-real-world-take-action.aspx

                                       Simple, practical,great article

http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/i-know-the-plans-i-have-for-you

                    3  minute Video by John Piper on Jer 29:11

Scripture References: Isaiah 30, Jer 29:11

Have an awesome Friday  guys!!

PROMISES

Happy New Year, you guys! I hope all my college readers have already submitted their FAFSA (yayy..money for school). 2014. Wow. Can you believe it? God is so amazing to have spared our lives to live to see this new year. Awesome bawsome (this is not a typo) !! So, as the new year kicks off, I've already had something totally wonderful happen to me. Wanna know what it is? Well...drumroll pleassssee!!!

God has restored my dreams and hopes! He has reminded me of some of the ways He wants to use me. During the Christmas Season, I was reading the Nativity account as written by Luke. I realized that Zechariah was mute until John was born because he questioned Gabriel the Angel, while Mary wasn't (although she also asked the angel  a question). I was curious as to why there was such a variation in response to Mary and Zechariah. So I asked God. Then I realized that the difference was the motive behind the question. Zechariah asked his question out of doubt, while Mary asked out of faith. Also, I would imagine that Zechariah, being a priest in the Temple would have been familiar with the story of Abraham and Sarah-  God blessed them with Isaac, despite their old age. On the other hand, never had there ever been a pregnant virgin...a child conceived by the Holy Spirit Himself! We see Elizabeth greeting Mary saying "You are blessed because you believed that the Lord would do what he said.” (Luke 1: 45).

So, for this new year, let us exercise great Faith in who God is! Let us hold firm to His promises, knowing that in Him there is no shadow of turning, His Yes means Yes, and His No means No!

Wait patiently, and in faith for the promise He has given you!

“Write my answer plainly on tablets,
    so that a runner can carry the correct message to others.
3 This vision is for a future time.
    It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled.
If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently,
    for it will surely take place.
    It will not be delayed.

4 “Look at the proud!
    They trust in themselves, and their lives are crooked.
    But the righteous will live by their faithfulness to God.[b]

And for all the readers who don't necessarily know what promise God has given you for this season in your life, do not be dismayed. Keep seeking Him, because no matter what earthly promises we might get, He is always our Greatest reward. He is enough, and He will lead you, and speak to you when the time is right.

Hope for a future

I found out yesterday that Lee Thompson Young, the handsome brown eyed guy who starred Jett Jackson on Disney channel, committed suicide about a month ago. I woke up this morning thinking about all these other celebrities who have died because of suicide or drug use. I wonder what that moment was like.The moment when you look at yourself and say, there is nothing worth living for. The moment where everything in your life seems to be falling apart and you cant possibly think of one good reason to live. And you know what? I'd venture to say that apart from the hope found in Christ there really is no substantial reason to live. Look guys, Im not trying to sound morbid, I'm just stating the reality. Life is can be really hard sometimes! We've seen that money doesn't satisfy us, people disappoint us, and the joys that we do find quickly pass away. But God. But Jesus. He provides us with hope. Hope for a future. A hope that can be found in no other religion or belief system, except at the cross of Christ. The truth of the gospel. That we were born into this world, separated from the perfect and Holy God by our sins. With no hope. But God, because of the great love he had towards us, took on flesh. Sent his only Son, Jesus. He lived a perfect life, free from sin, and then died. Death. The ultimate penalty for our unrighteousness is death. But Jesus, who never sinned, willfully went to the cross to die, he became our sin. The perfect, holy sacrifice. The only one who could have sufficed God's justice against sin. It didn't end there though. Jesus is risen. Risen. Alive. He's defeated the snares of death. Because he is Love, and he loves you more than anyone in this world ever could. That's not even the end, He has reconciled us to himself. He calls us into this amazing relationship with Himself, and has given us His Spirit within us. He's with us each and every step of the way. He saved us and He will sanctify us. All we have to do is believe that His sacrifice was enough, and live in response to that amazing truth.

That's hope. Knowing that I've been saved. I have the promise of eternal life after this body has passed away. I've been given an amazing hope!! A hope that can be found no where else. Does life still get hard? Of course. But tasting and seeing the goodness of God makes it so worth living. 

So, when you start feeling like there's no reason to live. Remember the words of the one who has saved you unto Himself.

Jer 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Eph 2:10 For [you] are [My] workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which [I],God, prepared beforehand that [you] should walk in them. 

Be encouraged,

     He is our hope for living.

[] * denotes that I changed the pronoun used from either 3rd to 1st person, or 3rd to 2nd, to emphasize that these are the words of God to you. Specifically. 

Growing Pains

One day in elementary school I was on my way home on the school bus and I saw a guy friend of mine holding his stomach with a grimace.
 "Whats wrong?" I asked.
"I'm growing, so my body hurts" he replied.
I have to admit, I thought that was a pretty crazy answer. Anytime my tummy hurt, my family just said it was gas and that I needed to drink some tea (can you tell I was raised in a Caribbean household?). lol. Anyways, I have to say that lately I've been experiencing some growing pains myself.  Not physically, you guys, I don't think I'm getting any taller than 5'3 . I've definitely been experiencing some practical growing pains from God.
I used to sometimes ask God the question., "Lord, when will I feel like a woman? like a grown up?" When I learn how to drive and have my own car? When I graduate college? When I get married? When I have kids? When will I get to a point when I realize: hey Diana, you're not really a little girl anymore. You see, it's not that I act immature, far from it. The fact of the matter is that it's just so much easier to see people as progressive individuals in society  more-so than myself. Yup, I need to change my lenses. So...let's just say God has been pruning me, and teaching me ...a lot. He started with my identity, as I've written about in previous posts. First thing about growing up was realizing that my identity was in Him, Christ is my life, and no other. Now, I'm learning what I like to call...practical life skills. For real though. I'm learning how to budget, to cook, to exercise proper time management, self control, when to say no, how to be a diligent worker, etc. Let's just say God is really making me into the woman He has called me to be. A kingdom woman after His own heart. Admittedly, it's not always easy learning these lessons, but I trust that it is for my good, and His glory! In His faithfulness, He has blessed me with older Godly women who can counsel me in these areas. Such a blessing!!

So, be encouraged you guys. God is continually pruning us, and perfecting the good work that He has started in us (Php 1:6). He is the God who cares about the little things, and the huge things as well.  He is ultimately preparing us for Himself, and in doing so, He is also preparing us to be a blessing to others.Be Encouraged.He's not finished with you yet.

Am I Captivating... Enough?

Have you ever been in the situation where someone liked you, or you thought they liked you, but you didn't necessarily like them back? Even though you didn't reciprocate the feelings that the person had for you, you somewhat enjoyed the attention you got from them? I know I have. Just a couple weeks ago I experienced this first hand. There was a guy, who I suspected had liked me, because of the way he treated me, and I must say part of me really enjoyed having someone indirectly say " Hey, I think you're pretty captivating". That's probably why I was utterly off-put when I saw that individual switching the attention from me, to another person.

Wait! Pause! What in the world? Why would I care, right? It's not like I have a crush on you or something. Why am I so bothered by this?

After my emotional breakdown  (let's say I tend to feel things intensely) regarding the situation, I really started wondering why I was so bothered. I went to the Lord, and vulnerably asked Him why I was SOO utterly distraught. Then I realized, I was once again looking to a human being to answer my soul's deepest question : "Am I captivating enough?". You see, I had already known that the guy found me captivating to a point, I mean that's why he gave me all that attention right? But you see the issue came to be when I realized that I probably wasn't captivating enough to hold his attention in the midst of other amazing counterparts.

God, in His amazing faithfulness used this to teach me a lesson. This lesson had nothing to do with the guy at all. It just reminded me of my fears: the fear that i won't be captivating enough. After talking to God about this fear, my focus shifted from myself. How often have I taken my eyes off Jesus and pretty much said to Him, "you're good God, but You're not captivating enough to keep my attention for the rest of my life"? I realized that each and every moment I look to a human being to validate my worth, I'm pretty much telling God that who He says I am, and who I am in Christ falls short in some way. How messed up is that? These days I'm trying to be really careful to make my actions, thoughts, and emotions answer a resounding 'YES' to the  Lord. Because truth is, He is far more captivating that anything else we could ever set our gaze upon.

My prayer:
Jesus , you are captivating enough and forever will be. Help me to remember that each and every day.

Heb 13:8 "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever."

Heb 12:2  "fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith."

Col 3: 1-4 " Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth.For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God.When Christ, who is our life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory."