When words fail

I don't know where to start with this post So,I'm guessing the title is fitting "when words fail".

To my readers and dear friends who haven't heard yet, Khory and I got married!! Ahh, almost a month ago, we both committed our lives to serving the Lord together, and serving one another in the way Christ calls us to.

My primary love language is words of affirmation, I love reading blogs in my spare time, and I communicate best through words, yet..I'm speechless. And let's just say I've found myself being "speechless" A LOT during this season. God is gracious. 

If we rewind back to last December, I was on the floor, crying, wanting to disappear, and I was truly convinced that I was crazy (some sort of mental/emotional instability). Between my disobedience, anxiety, fear, and fighting against principalities and powers in high places, I found myself feeling hopeless.

I really wondered how in the world the Lord could make beauty from the apparent ashes I had created. But He did. And He opened my eyes to see that He has been the beauty all along.

Khory and I had our first dance to "Overwhelmed by Big Daddy Weave", and truly that has been the word that has summed up these past couple months for me.

•  I've been overwhelmed by the unrelenting goodness of God towards me.
• I've been overwhelmed by the fact that he actually "goes before" me. He really has prepared a way for me to walk in.
• I've been overwhelmed by his grace..oh His sweet grace
• I've been overwhelmed at the way He has surrounded my husband and I with a community of believers that love radically
• I've been overwhelmed that He allowed me to get married to the one whom my soul loves!
• I've been overwhelmed that He is just so faithful.

And I know that not all of life will "feel"this good. And that's okay, He will overwhelm me with who He is in those seasons as well. Right now though, I just want to resound the words of Paul:

 "Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen."

Rejoicing in the Lord,

Diana Proctor

The Goodness of God

A lot has happened. Within the past 2 weeks I have switched jobs (my full-time ministry internship is finished), moved into a new place, and have been trying to figure out what abiding in Christ looks like in this new season.

And that's probably where I got it wrong. Somewhere in the midst of all of the transitions, I made everything about me.

I had to figure out how to be a good employee at my new job

I had to figure out how to live in a new place

I had to figure out how to continually cultivate my relationship with Christ

I...I...I..ME ME ME.

Now if you ask my fiance Khory about something I'm skilled at...among other things, I'm pretty sure "making everything about her" would very well fall somewhere on that list (okay...he'd probably say all the positive things, but that SHOULD be on the list). One of the many sins I wrestle with is idolatry, and in all honesty, sometimes I idolize myself. As terrible as it sounds, it's the truth. Sin isn't pretty. I idolize my feelings and emotions, and on many occasions they take precedence over my obedience to the Word of God, His Truth, and the leading of the Holy Spirit. This is NOT how it should be.

Now don't get me wrong, feelings and emotions are NOT inherently bad. God gave them to us, but when we begin to let those things have more influence in our lives than the Truth of the Gospel and holiness of God, we find ourselves in a bad place. Thus, I find myself in a bad place sometimes.

So there I was, yesterday. Feeling overwhelmed, sick to my stomach ( literally), and very very tired. And it was a loooong day. A very very long day. Because of my lack of diligence in bringing lunch/buying lunch on my break,  I was hunngrry. But I was also nauseous so I found myself torn between the two. Nevertheless, after work I had worship rehearsal and I began to crave chipotle. Khory and I had no time for me to get it though, so we headed straight to our destination. As the night progressed, the hunger became less intense (feeling wise), but my body became increasingly weak. I was slow and lethargic. While the vocals were working on getting the harmony together with our worship leader, the band had a break (Khory is in the band). When I turned around after the break, Khory had left me an assortment of refreshments because he knew I was hungry. I was so grateful! Then, after rehearsal...he took me to chipotle and bought me exactly what I was craving. 

So at the end of the night, after a long and tiring day, I found myself feeling fresh and clean and enjoying a yummy meal...and...that's when the tears began. In that moment, I was reminded of the absolute goodness of God. Aware of my self-centeredness and sin, I knew I have done nothing to deserve having Khory as my fiance(he is so selfless), or to deserve enjoying a yummy meal, and most importantly, to deserve the love and grace that God shows me time and time and time and time again. So I cried: aware of my sin, and grateful for His unending love and His good and perfect gifts.

I was left pondering the goodness of God because HE has opened my eyes to HIS goodness, and HE has prompted my heart to worship, and HE has blessed me beyond what I deserve, in Christ. 

It really wasn't about me after all. So take confidence in that sobering, humbling, and life-giving truth today. It's not about you. It's about God being faithful to finish the good work He has started in you (Php 1:6). And leading you by His Spirit to walk into the good works that He has already prepared for you to walk in Christ Jesus (Eph 2:10) .

So, what do we do? We stand boldly in Christ's completed work, and let every moment be filled with thanksgiving to God for His amazing grace, His wonderful goodness. 

Let everything that has breath praise the Lord. Psalm 150:6

Good Good Father

We’re almost a full month into 2016, and I am still overwhelmed with gratitude! Gratefulness abounding, to a God who does not relent. A God who DOES NOT give up on His people. A God who makes beauty from ashes.

Ephesians 3:14-21

“For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom ever family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of His glory He may grant you to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in your inner beings, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith-that you being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever, and ever, AMEN!”

On December 27^TH I sat in church, and heard the pastor say that these verses were his prayer for 2016. I slightly chuckled to myself. “Well pastor that passage was my prayer for 2015, and look where it’s gotten me.” Why such cynicism? Well, that actually WAS my prayer for 2015, and as I sat in the service all I could think about were the ways in which 2015 was, so far,  the most difficult and tumultuous year of life for me. What are some of the things I experienced? Well, I wrestled with feelings of inadequacy, I suffered with anxiety, I wrestled with constant confusion, cried constantly, ended my relationship with my boyfriend…twice, found out how past sins can have very present impacts, lack of freedom, lack of peace, and by the end of the year, I looked at myself and I could  not stand who I was. I hated the way I processed my emotions and the impact that can have on those around me. I hated the fact that I couldn’t get it all right on my own. I hated the fact that although I prayed and cried and prayed and cried, and worshiped,…I was still so deeply hurting, and confused, and I FELT HOPELESS.

And then, in the beautiful fashion of the most Almighty Redeemer, He spoke. He spoke. Jesus spoke. Pastor Maxwell fleshed out the meaning of the breadth, length, height, and depth of God’s love. And as he went through the points of each one, I began to weep. Tears began to roll down my face as I realized for the first time that year that the Lord had heard my prayer, and had answered it. Albeit He answered it in a way I wouldn’t have chosen on my own accord, but He answered…beautifully.

• The breadth of God’s love-  The love of God encompasses everyone. God loves everyone. He hates sin, yes, but He loves His people. He loves people.
• The length of God’s love- His love lasts forever. He loves us forever. His love never runs out on us. He is the epitome of patience and love. There is nothing I could ever do to make God love me more, and there is nothing I could ever do to make Him love me less.
• The depth of God’s love- How low can I go? I can never sink so low that the love of God can’t reach down and get me. The cross of Christ takes the standard of perfection that I could NEVER meet, and covers me in the righteousness of Jesus.
• The height of God’s love- God’s love is uplifting. He takes us higher in Him. Every time I speak down to myself, the Lord speaks His truth.

And so there I was, left with the overwhelmingly beautiful reality that although 2015 left me feeling defeated, helpless, and like a complete failure, God worked through all of it. He loved me when I didn’t love myself. He was patient with me when I had no more patience for my antics. He was my peace and freedom when all my emotions were at war within me. And though the reality of my sin became more apparent to me than ever before, He was not afraid, He was not going to run away, His love is steadfast.

And there it was. The amazing grace of a Perfect Savior, once again.

The last point made during the sermon was about not putting God in a box, and trusting Him to work, and do above and beyond what we can see with our own eyes. Giving him room to work the impossible in our lives. At that time, I was sitting next to Khory and my heart was so anxious because I was waiting for him to give me a decision. I sat there thinking that I had ruined the relationship with the guy I want to marry one day, because of my sin, fears and fluctuating emotions. And in the midst of that heart-wrenching reality I realized that I had to trust God completely. Whether we decided to move forward or not. God was still good, and still sovereign, and still in control.

All that being said, at the end of the night, I went to bed…amazed. Overwhelmingly amazed! The Lord had restored my joy,  my heart, my peace, and even my relationship with the guy that I love oh so much! And there I was, a recipient of His power to restore…amazed, undeserving, and amazed.

As I move forward into 2016, my prayer and goal is to rely on the Word of God as truth. Not my emotions. Not my feelings. Not what others say. Not even the lies I sometimes tell myself. But rather, the unfailing, unending, completely perfect Truth of the Word of God!

In John 17:17 Jesus prays “Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth.”

May this year be one in which we cling to the Truth of our God, unapologetically, unashamedly, and expectantly. And however He chooses to answer this prayer, may we cling to the cross of Christ, confident that our God is a good good Father!

I know that You are good

"I feel you in the stillness, I know that you are good
My heart will stay steadfast, I know that you are good"


One of my favorite songs right now is Nearness by Bethel Music ft. Jenn Johnson

As the end of the  year approaches...I look back on it all..and I can say that it has been a year of painful growth. Extremely painful. Collectively, its been one of the most painful years for me, and that's okay! God is good. He is good at all times, in all seasons, in all circumstances. He is good. He is also constant. He never shifts or changes or gives up on us. He is faithful. No matter how many times I get it wrong, which I do quite frequently, He is faithful, in spite of me. His plan and will is going to be accomplished, regardless. His purpose is to glorify Himself, and He will do so in whatever way He sees best. And if  that's true, and my ultimate joy and delight is to see Him glorified, then no matter what happens, I'll always have a reason to rejoice.

"I feel you in the stillness, I know that you are good
My heart will stay steadfast, I know that you are good"

Nearness- Jenn Johnson

And then it hit me...

Thinking back to about 10 months ago: I was in my last "fall semester" of college and I had no idea what I was going to do post-graduation. Was I to go back home and find a job, go pursue my passion for being an actress, or stay in Tallahassee and intern with my campus ministry? I remember praying and crying and praying again that God would just give me a clear-cut, burning bush response about what He wanted me to do-which the path He wanted me to take. But I never really got any written in the sky, plane as day, responses. So, I became crippled with fear. Fear that, in trying to please God, I could somehow make a choice so, "out of the will of God's plan for my life", that He would just become silent for the rest of my life, and point an "I told you so" finger in my face. But, that's not the heart of a loving Father. That's not the heart of Jesus. Romans 5 tells us that while we were STILL sinners, Christ died for us. That means, He died for me before I was even looking His way. Before my heart was ever stirred to the truth of His unconditional love, He made a way for me to enter into His righteousness and perfect love.

Around the same time of trying to figure out what my next step would be, I had began to form awesome friendships with the incoming freshman in my campus ministry, I had just started started to "get to know" Khory, and I was asked to lead worship for the youth group at my church.

I remember meeting with my campus minister, Kane Miller, and telling him that I had no idea where God was leading me. And I remember him telling me that the reality was that all my options were good ones, and that God would honor them so long as I was seeking to glorify Him in each of them. WAIT.....WHAT?? You mean...I have the freedom to choose? The realization of such freedom, which could've made the situation easier, served to cripple me in fear even further.

I thought, "wow... now I have to choose? So, if something goes wrong..its DEFINITELY my fault. Great". This wasn't the proper perspective at all.  So I asked God to give me wisdom in making the best decision. It was approaching the time to make a decision regarding whether or not I would stay in Tallahassee, and I met with my campus minister again. This time, he helped to give me another perspective. He said, "I want you to intern, if you want to. If there are relationships here at CCF and things you want see God doing in your life here in Tallahassee, and you'd like to stay to see what God does, then I say, intern". Immediately when he said that, my mind went to the youth group at my church, my budding friendship with Khory, and the awesome awesome relationships I had formed, with the freshman ladies who had just entered out campus ministry. I also thought about the desire I've had all throughout college, to see a huge sweep of God's Spirit in the hearts of students on the campuses in Tallahassee. In light of all these things, without a burning-bush, I decided to accept the intern position with CCF.

A month or so after making the decision to intern, I attended the Passion Conference with my friendsand when Christine Caine delivered her message, I literally felt as if God was answering all the tears and prayers I had brought to Him from months before. I was so grateful to the Lord, for giving me assurance. 

Now looking back, I am able to smile, as I see that God was at work the ENTIRE time. Even though I felt as if He was completely silent, and ignoring me, He was at work. Working through various circumstances to direct my path

It would be easy to tell you that, ever since then, things have been peachy-keen and I've never had any form of doubts, but I'd be lying. I've questioned my ability to be an intern, I've questioned my ability to be a lead worshiper, I've seen SOOO many of my sins and weaknesses, I've questioned whether or not Khory and I should be together, I've even questioned whether God is really hearing me (again). And the list goes on and on and on.  But through it all, the Lord has been faithful.

Last Sunday was Open Mic night at my youth group. It was a night filled with middleschoolers and highschoolers, displaying the gifts that God has given them. I cried. I cried. Because it hit me...SOO HARD! God literally has me here in Tallhassee for a purpose. I was overwhelmed with the fact that I was in a place where I could combine my passion for the Performing Arts with glorifying God and with serving the youth. I was sitting next to my favorite guy (Khory), and the next day I had "work"...aka getting to equip and encourage college students to share the good news of Jesus on campus! WOW! I was blown away. When did this all happen? How did this all happen? Only God could have perfectly ordered my steps in such a way.

Here is a video of one of my youth girls. This is Mya. Mya is delightful. She is extremely perceptive to the emotions of others, she loves Whitney Houston, she can SIIINNGG and DAAANCE!! Most importantly though, Mya has encountered the beauty of Jesus, and I literally have the privilege and honor of watching her fall more and more in love with Him.

So be encouraged!! We serve a mighty mighty mighty good God, regardless of circumstances!

6 Months Ago...

6 months ago I said ‘yes’. Well, actually I said (in a nervous frenzy) “ I can’t talk about this right now, can I give you an answer later?, I have to go practice”…then about an hour and a half later…I said yes. I said yes and I was so scared.

 In case you guys haven’t already figured out, I am not the most social-media friendly person. I don’t often post things on Facebook, and when I do, it’s usually about God and His awesomeness. I like it that way. It’s safe. God’s goodness never changes-regardless of my circumstances. Thus, I feel safe displaying His wonder to the world, because He is the only one who was, and is, and is to come. He is faithful. He is unchanging.

This year God has definitely been dispelling a lot of “fears” of mine, and has graciously furthered my understanding of the Gospel and His amazing grace towards me.  My relationship with Khory has been no exception. So who is this Khory? Well, hmm…how do I describe him? He is one of the most servant-hearted, kind, and loving young man that I know. *vulnerability alert*. He is VERY different from me in many ways, yet those differences point me toward Christ in such a beautiful way. He is quick to apologize when wrong, and he is gentle, patient, and honest. My favorite thing about Khory, by far, is his humility before the Father. His commitment to wanting to know the will of the Lord, and His obedience to Jesus. He makes me laugh, a lot…and has the utmost appreciation for my weird quirks. All in all though, God has been the true champion in this relationship. These past 6 months have brought some of the most beautiful, but also some of the most painful (more than I have ever expected) moments in my life, so far. But God has used all of these moments- the beautiful, the painful, the mundane, to further and deepen my understanding of who HE is, and the AMAZING love He has towards His children. I understand the grace of God so much more, the amazing power of Christ to transform hearts in a way like no other, and the intimate concern and leading of the Holy Spirit in EVERY area of our lives. Jesus has glorified Himself in this relationship, and that has been my favorite part of this journey so far.

So yeah, is it scary making a blog post about this relationship? OF COURSE! That means not only is there room for error and mistake and failure…but there’s the possibility that you guys will see that. But in all honesty, that’s not such a bad thing. If I can be assured that Christ will be exalted and glorified in the midst of the failures and disappointments, just as much as the accomplishments and rejoicings…why be lead by fear? So, as Khory and I have discussed, whether or not we end up getting married or the relationship ends, may it all be to the glory of God and the fame of His name.

On that note,

Happy 6 monthaversary to my favorite, most handsome dread-head in the whole wide world! I love you dearly, and I pray that we continue to magnify the Lord and exalt His name together. Psalm 34

You Make Me Brave

Confession: for the longest time I have been crippled by fear. Fear of getting it wrong. "It" being life- I've been controlled by the fear of not wanting to disappoint God, or my family, or friends, or society. Last semester, while praying and seeking God about what direction to take after graduation, I listened to Bethel's album "You Make Me Brave" just about every single day. The Holy Spirit was so faithful to make the lyrical truths from the songs encourage me, through a difficult season. 

Lately, I feel like I've been bombarded with the reality of my inadequacies and my weaknesses.
I am in such a new season. So many new things are happening in my life, and in all honesty, my propensity and "natural response" is to do what Diana always does...RUN. Run in fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the possibility of getting it wrong,..again. This fear threatens to grip me regarding my decision to stay in Tallahassee to intern with my campus ministry (fearing I made the wrong decision or won't raise enough funds), my relationship with my boyfriend (fear of the unknown), my friendships and familial relationships ( fear of being a disappointment), etc.

But, God is faithful!

On my wall I have two gifts that I've received (at separate times) from 2 dear sisters in Christ. Both gifts have a line from Prov 31, "She is clothed with strength and dignity". I see those signs almost everyday, and for the longest time, I could never believe that it described me. I didn't see anything about myself that was strong, or brave. That sign is right above my mirror, and above my keyboard, and everyday I see them, yet I never thought they described me. Romans 4:16-18 says that God made Abraham a father of many nations, even before Abraham had a child. God has called those things that were not, as though they were. He did it for Abraham, and He is doing it for me. God sees me as fearless, and bold, and brave in Christ, and He is transforming me into that image from glory to glory 2 Corinthians 3:18.

Yesterday I was asked to do a bar challenge for the Marines who were promoting on campus. If I held on to the pull up bar long enough I would get a prize. At first I said no. But then, I decided to do it. I got boosted up to the bar, and I held on. and held on. and held on. And guess what? I apparently did really well. I got to choose from some cool paraphernalia. I did something that I thought I'd be no good at, and succeeded. And if that wasn't enough, last night I went rock climbing (indoor bouldering) with my small group. I don't like being high up (all 5'2.5 of me lol). But I went rock climbing, and I reached the top...3 times!  I was so shocked because it was scary, but I persisted. I didn't always make it to the top the first time, but I eventually did! I love the way God can use the little things to teach us such huge lessons. 

These days I will be reminding myself of I John 4:18 that there is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. Truly, the perfect love I have in Christ, is more than enough to cast out any fear or doubt that I have. He makes me brave. 

Worth the Wait

I've heard the phrase "Worth the Wait" used many times with regards to an individual's commitment to purity unto God and their future spouse.What a bold proclamation of truth in the midst of a society that praises instant gratification, and has a "in less than 5 minutes" option for just about everything.
The title of my blog is "Waiting for Him", and it's based on the verse from Hosea 12:6. A verse that reminds us to "hold fast to love and justice, and to wait for [our] Lord God continually" (ESV). I don't know about you all, but for me, waiting has a distinct feeling- one characterized by unique amalgamation of anticipation & pain, longing & forbearance, desire & sometimes doubt. This morning I read an article on DesiringGod.com , written by David Mathis, and these words stuck out to me, 

 "But part of waiting is the conscious hardship. We taste the bitter pill of patience and feel it slither ever so slowly down our throat. It’s not patience when we’re gloriously unaware of the waiting."

These words truly opened my eyes to the reality of my heart. You see, I usually don't mind waiting...as long as it doesn't feel like waiting. For example, if I'm having visitors over and I'm scrambling up to the last minute of their arrival (due to my procrastination), it doesn't exactly  feel as if I've waited upon their arrival. However, if I've cleaned my house ahead of time and had nothing else to actively do in preparation for my guests, I would find myself looking out the window every 5 minutes in anticipated expectation. That's what waiting feels like. 

As followers of Christ, we are constantly exhorted to "wait on the Lord". I don't think this is a mindless-twiddling-your-thumb kind of waiting, but it IS waiting nonetheless. It SHOULD have a distinct feel to it. A feeling of hope, joy, expectation, longing. In Christ we have the freedom to have "patience and endurance with joy" (Col 1:11). The reality of knowing that when Jesus died on our behalf, He fully took the wrath of God that we deserved, and in His resurrection, He has reconciled us to the Father is Good News. This means I don't have to be scrambling around trying to earn my salvation, in fear that my life will end, and I wont be ready. Instead this gives me the freedom to live life...actually live life. Live life in freedom and obedience to the Savior, knowing that I have already been justified,forgiven, reconciled, and I'm continually being transformed into the image of Christ.

1 Thessalonians 5:18 says to "give thanks in all things", and I literally believe that this verse means exactly what it says. Honestly though, upon til like ...an hour ago, I've NEVER once remembered ever saying thanks to God for having the opportunity to wait on Him. I have never seen waiting as something to be actively thankful for. Why not? Because my rationale behind waiting is: 

whoever is being waited upon, should say thanks to the person who is actively doing the waiting. 

And while that logic probably has some social relevance, when it comes to the matter of waiting upon the Creator of the Universe...erm...that ideology is pretty faulty. I am not waiting on God in hopes that He'll look at me and say "sorry I took so long. Will you forgive me? It wont happen again". 

When we look at waiting in Scripture, we see verses such as:

Isaiah 40:31 "But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." 

Psalm 27:14 "Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord."

 Psalm 40:1-3:"(To the chief Musician, A Psalm of David.) I waited patiently for the LORD; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry. He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, [and] established my goings. And he hath put a new song in my mouth, [even] praise unto our God: many shall see [it], and fear, and shall trust in the LORD."

All these verses reveal to us that waiting on the Lord is good! In His infinite graciousness, God has perfectly orchestrated that in waiting for Him; He renews our strength, He hears our prayers, He strengthens our hearts. Although we are waiting upon Him, we are STILL recipients of  His goodness. Our praises and thanksgiving are STILL due to Him, even amidst the waiting.

Ultimately, all of creation is waiting. Waiting for the glory of the coming Christ, and His followers to be revealed (Rom 8:19) Yet, of all things we can wait for: vacation, degrees, spouse, children, jobs, etc.

 Jesus is always going to be the One who is ultimately, "Worth the Wait".

Be Encouraged,

 Diana

CAMP

Registration for camp begins. Bright and early in the morning, I find myself outside of a church with a little table set up, awaiting the arrival of nervous parents, and even more nervous teenagers. Then little by little they start to trickle in. I'm adorned in my khaki shorts, New Generation T-shirt, and my name-tag that says "Aunty Diana". If any of you know me in person, you know that talking and meeting new people is my thing. lol. So, as soon as students start coming, I start trying to make conversation and learn names and all that good stuff. Then the other counselors and I begin to play some warm-up ice breaker activities with the students. This is when my first wave of "umm, God, I dont know how this is gonna turn out" hit me. One of my female campers says to me..."I'm not gonna call you Aunty, because you're too short". 

How do I respond to that?  Lol. Let's just say that the students initially had A LOT to say about my height...or lack thereof, and this initially hindered them from seeing me as a viable authority. Add to that my high-energy, extroverted personality...and let's just say they thought I was one of their counterparts. 

So we load up on the bus and head over to the campsite, which is a couple hours away. The bus ride to camp was filled with loud and awesome Christian music, campers trying to make small talk with each other, and the unknown. After reaching camp, we gave our campers the run-down on camp, and what to expect. 

It was here. Camp was actually here....and I wondered if I was prepared, and how God would move.

For the sake of confidentiality, I wont be including specific names or in-depth stories regarding my time at camp, but lets just say GOD WORKED MIRACLES. I am not exaggerating.  It went from campers seeming so detached and disconnected during the Bible studies, to people weeping and crying out to God, people talking about hurts that have damaged their identity, people disclosing the abandonment they have felt at the hands of loved ones. It was a complete NIGHT AND DAY difference. The same female camper who told me she wouldn't call me "Aunty" came to me and said that she changed her mind because she sees where I actually am an Aunty, despite my vertical challenges. lol   God did a work in the hearts of so many of these campers, and I clearly remember at one point during Day 4, I just went off to a corner and I was completely overwhelmed by the reality of what just happened. The reality of seeing the seemingly impossible, is mind-blowing. Only God could have broken down the walls that many of these students had up, and HE did. Even when I wondered if He would, He did. 

The Holy Spirit gave me such a real and tangible love for all these teenagers, I was so overwhelmed. I loved them. Like literally, I LOVED them, and that's just a slight glimpse of how God feels about them. 

We literally laughed together, and cried, and sweat in the hot blazing sun, haha. I wouldn't trade one moment. No , not one. Each moment was another stroke of the beautiful artwork that God was creating.

To add icing to the cake, I was able to co-lead the Song and Drama activities during camp. HOW AMAZING is that??? I was able to help teenagers express themselves through the arts. It was soo awesome. Seeing them break out of their " mi haffi bi cool" shells, even if just for a moment.

In breaking me down and having me realize just how limited my human strength was, the Holy Spirit was able to work through me in ways that I wouldn't be able to imagine. I literally cant take credit for what He has done. To think that He took the same personality that I begged him to change last year while I was in Jamaica, and used it to draw people unto Him...is..yeah..mind-blowing.

I cant end this post without also mentioning the amazing bond created between myself and the other counselors. Phew, my co-laborers were so amazing. There's something so special about joining with other believers and working towards a common goal. God strengthened us as a team, and enabled us to encourage, and build each other up. They also gave me many many moments to laugh about. 

The very last verse in the book of John says "Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written."

I finally understand that. If I were to recount every occurrence and the splendor of what God did each moment while I was in Jamaica, this post would go on and on. I went to Jamaica for 12 days, and God changed hearts for a lifetime. I cant take any credit for that. He is faithful. 

Thanks to all my friends who prayed for me. All of you who donated. All of you who wrote encouraging notes on my fb page, or sent me a text. They were so appreciated and did not go unnoticed. Big thanks to Auntie Nel and Judith who gave me the opportunity to be a counselor.

My encouragement to you all is this: Stay at the feet of Jesus, and He will take you to places you'll never imagine. There is no desire of your heart that is too big for Him to fulfill.No dream too grandiose where His amazing grace cant take you. Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Make Him and His glory the desire of your heart, and you'll forever be satisfied.

Eph 3:20 "20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."

Pre-Camp Encounters

My faith has grown. The longer I behold the goodness of Yahweh, the more I realize that there truly is nothing impossible for Him. No emotion, situation, obstacle, resentment, ____(you name it) that He can not overcome.

My trip to Jamaica was more than I could have even imagined. God has this amazing way of completely blowing the mind of His people. This magnificent way of doing "exceedingly abundantly above all that we could ever ask or think". He is good and so is His Word.

Pre- Camp Encounters
 So before camp actually began, I was able to spend some time in Kingston. I was able to get so spend time with my awesome cousin and catch up on how she has been doing. I also got to reallly see the city, both the good and bad parts. I was able to go grocery shopping in a Jamaican grocery store, which was a huuge deal for me. Lol. I went bereserk and instead of buying anything of substance (meat,and real food), I loaded up on Jamaican snacks that reminded me of moments I had long forgotten in my childhood. My hosts were so amazingly hospitable and made me feel soo welcomed. 

I was also able to visit the house where I spent majority of my childhood. Talk about Nostalgia, you guys. It amazes me how much I am still like my 7yr old, 8 yr old self sometime. haha. Really, some of the things that intrigued me then...still do. Like eating green mangoes on a hot summer day, or playing scrabble on the veranda (yes, I've been playing Scrabble since a little girl), or just walking outside under the shade of the fruit trees and singing, or acting , or just being.

During this time I was also able to visit a day camp for children with behavioral challenges, and play music, sing songs, and dance with them. This was one of the BIG "okay God, I hear you" moments. Talk about my heart being so filled with Joy. After having a discussion with 2 very inspirational ladies, I realized how healing the performing arts could be. The therapeutic nature of  music, and writing, and drawing, and dancing, and acting, and all these other forms of creative expression can be for an individual. I was blown away.
Even before camp had started, God had already blown my mind, so I had no idea what Camp had in store, but It was more...so much more..than I could fathom.

Jah Mek Yah Update

 Hey Guys, so I am in the land of 'wood and water"...the land of jerk chicken, beautiful beaches, and  people who sound just like me..haha. Yup! I'm in Jamaica. 

For those of you who don't know, I NEVER thought I'd be going to Jamaica this summer for several good reasons, but God. (Yes, that's the end of the sentence...lol).God completely BLEW my mind. He is SUCH a God of the process. Between learning about the opportunity to actually come to Jamaica, and the moment I stepped foot on Jamaican soil (okay, more like concrete), I learned so many valuable lessons.  He used this opportunity to teach me a huge lesson in faith, asking, work ethic, and obedience.

I was able to see the generosity of the people He placed in my life, and I'm so grateful for the way the Lord provides.

So, as I'm here in Jamaica...I've went through a serious of emotions. Moments of being on cloud 9 when my heart has literally felt as if it was doing back-flips in my chest, as well as moments when I felt my heart so grieved by the state of the country. For those of you who don't know, Jamaica is currently experiencing a drought. Literally. When I first heard about it, I thought " is this real life?" It is not often that I hear about droughts...unless I'm reading the Bible or something. But it hasn't rained here since June (so going on 2 months).Obviously this isn't a good situation for anyone, but for a 3rd world, tropical island with a bounty of agriculture....its a REALLYYYY BADDD situation. The water pressure from the tap and shower is low during the day, and turns off at around 10:00 at night until the morning, in order conserve water. More-so than the physical drought however, I cant help but notice the spiritual and economic drought that this country is in.Some people are barely getting by. Some people aren't 'getting by' at all. Jamaica is a Christian nation, but it seems as if God has been placed on the back burner due to the hustle and bustle of basic survival. 

One of the harshest realities that I've had to come to terms with while being here, is the fact that I am just one human being. I have these passions and desires, but I am just one person, with one life to live. This is a broken humility: a humility that comes due to a realistic view of one's own ability. In spite of this, rather, BECAUSE of this, I am becoming more aware of the desperate need for an All Powerful God. Any positive, everlasting, and eternal change has nothing to do with me and my eloquence, or personality, or beauty, or any other positive attribute, but rather His Spirit working through me. His Spirit working through those things. 

 Have so much more to say, but I'll end it right here with a verse that has pretty much been my go-to verse throughout the entire preparation process for this trip.

 1 Thess 5:24 " The one who calls you is faithful, He will surely do it"

Diana

#100daysofpraise Day 10: Blog Update

May 28,2014

One of the reasons Im thankful today is that I was able to update my #100daysofpraise. Im definitely goign to try andd be more diligent with this. so Here's to #100daysofpraise.

Gal 6:9 And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.

#100daysofpraise Day 9: He changed my grade!

May 27, 2014

Soo, this post has been a LOOOONG time coming.In the sense that I took a before picture "in faith", that I'd have an after picture. Today was the day that my imaginary "after" picture became a reality. My heart broke out in volumes to God. haha
Backstory
When the grades were posted Spring semester of classes, I saw that I received a "B" in a class, that I've gotten an "A" on every assignment.  I emailed my Professor. Apparently I made a mistake and submitted the wrong assignment (more than 1 class with similar assignments);therefore, he couldn't factor in my last paper into my grade. I was devastated. I felt terrible. After putting so much effort in a class, to have your grade reflect less than what you earned is really heart-wrenching. He said I could submit the correct assignment and he'd override the grade. Thank God! The only problem was that I had no access to my laptop because it was in Tally and I was in West Palm. I had a friend who volunteered to go to my apartment and rummage through my items (my room was all packed up for me to move), and email the essay to me,so that I could send it to my professor. He found the assignment, but right when he was about to send it ....my laptop died. So my friend calls me and explains the situation to me, and at this point I'm just like " forget it, i'll just take the B". Instead, he rummaged through a whole bunch of my packed boxes, located my charger and emailed me the essay. Such a blessing. So I was able to send the essay to my professor.

Problem solved right...WRONG

One week rolls by and my grade hasnt changed. 2 weeks roll by, and it STILL hasnt changed. I try and contact this professor, I try to visit him in his office, all to no avail. I felt like a pest. Then today, I stop into his office and he invited me in.  He shows me my paper graded with an "A" on it, and tells me that he was very pleased with my work! We then proceeded to talk for about 20 minutes about the class and what I took from it.
What a blessing guys. What I learned through this situation?

• save your assignments under completely different names so you don't upload the wrong copy. lol
• Pray..in all things. Really, that was one of the first things I did...as my heart was dropping
• Gain proper perspective in every situation. Even though it hurt, i had to realize that it was just one grade in one class
• There are people out there who are willing to go out of their way for you. Thank them. Appreciate them
• Appreciate grace. My professor definitely didn't have to allow me to submit the right assignment, but he showed me grace
• Act in faith. I really had to trust that God would work it out- that's why I took a before picture without even knowing if my grade would have been changed.
• Don't be afraid to pursue.

• Be thankful for how accessible our God is. Really, I felt like I hunted down that professor..FOREVER. 
• Patience. Enough said
• God is faithful. Whether or not my grade got changed, the truth is that our God is suuuuper faithful! Always has been, and always will be. 

Before 

After

Heb 11:1 Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.

#100daysofpraise Day 8: Hope for a future

May 26,2014

My praise for today is the fact that I got a fb message..that made me very happy. We'll see what happens. God is in control. Hope for a future :) I'll keep you all posted :)

I also went to the mall with a friend so she could get some stuff, meanwhile I took  pics in the fitting room. here's one: 

#100daysofpraise Day 7: Oh Happy Day

May 25, 2014

So, today I'm thankful for so many things. I got to worship  and fellowship at my church alongside my brothers and sisters in Christ. I was also able to celebrate the birthday of one of my closest friends, Stephanie. This young lady has truly sharpened my faith in Christ. In the midst of getting ready for her birthday, I was also able to have a great conversation with a dear friend of mine "PJ". The Holy Spirit definitely used her to clear up some faulty thinking I had going on.

The night ended with about 13 people in my apartment, worship the Lord. Yes..id say this was an awesome day. :)
So grateful to God for the people he has placed in my life. Today was a huuuge reminder of what great community in Christ looks like.
 she's soo gorgeous!!

#100daysofpraise Day 6: Come away with me

 As you all can clearly see, I'm struggling with consistency with my #100daysofpraise posts.

May 25, 2014
Saturday was amazing. literally! I didn't even take a picture because I didn't want to ruin the moment. After a week that felt pretty hectic, I turned off my phone and just spent time with the Lord. Yup. I just rested in His presence. While reading through Mark, I read this verse (6:31) " And He said to them, 'Come aside by yourselves to a deserted place and rest a while'". How awesome in that? After being sent out 2 by 2 to proclaim the message of repentance, the disciples were invited by their Lord to come away and rest. I took Saturday to do just that. I brought all my cares before the Lord, and spent some much needed time with my Savior. By the end of the day, my soul had been refreshed!

#100daysofpraise Day 5: Jym (Jesus +Gym)...get it.. okay... not the most clever title

May 23 Day 5:  I went to the gym at the Wellness Center to workout. I usually go to the Leach (the other gym), but I went to the Wellness Center instead. While on the elliptical I realized that not only could I listen to music, but it also allowed me to go on the internet. So, I went to youtube and started jamming out to "Write you Story" By Francesca Battistelli at which the guy on the bicycle in front of me turned around and glared at me...oops. Then I started listening to "Overcomer" by Mandisa. It was my first time watching the video...and I teared up and started crying...while on the elliptical...while in the gym. Lol. It was a glorious moment. Hahaha. I'm thankful for this moment though because it was  great to exercise, and be reminded of who God is, and who we are in Him.

John 16:33 "These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”

Trust Him, He doesn't lie.

If you haven't checked out the 'Overcomer' video yet. I suggest you do. lol Heres to #100daysofpraise :)

Diana

#100daysofpraise Day 4: Refuge

Hey Guys, so I've fallen a little behind on my #100daysofpraise, but better late than never...right?


Day 4 was Thursday May 22 and it ended great.

How it began

I got overwhelmed with my mental "to-do list" by midday.  A friend of mine invited me to her Campus ministry meeting, and I almost didn't go. But, God. :) You see, I live by myself now, and I was in mid housecleaning. I almost didn't go fellowship and worship because my apartment (which was a blessing from God to begin with) was in disarray. Do you see what's wrong with that? When the Holy Spirit reminded me of that truth, I thought "Wow, God, Im sorry". Its so easy to sometimes place the blessing over the One who blesses. The gift above the Giver. Appreciating the seed, without giving sufficient praise to the Sower. So, I went to the meeting, and I am so glad I did. I dont have a picture to post, but let's just say it was a real refresher/ Refuge (the name of the ministry..how fitting?) for my soul. Here's to #100daysofPraise


Diana

#100daysofpraise Day 3: Quiet moments

Today I went on my balcony and spent some much needed time to talk with God, eat dinner, and just be still. It was wonderful. As much as I am an extrovert, I enjoy quiet moments alone with the Father. He refreshes my soul like no other. Life can bombard us with soooo many demands and pressures (some good, some bad), but despite what might be thrown our way, let's never forget to take the time to just be still in His presence throughout the day. I definitely should do this more often :) Here's a pic taken from my chair on the balcony.

Psalm 23:3a "He restores my soul"

#100daysofpraise Day 2: Lunch date

Today I'm thankful that I got to hang out with a dear girlfriend of mine. Its great having sisters in Christ who you can just catch up with and be real! She also surprised me and insisted to pay for my meal (such a timely blessing)! God has really made us relational creatures. He made us in His image. He has the perfect relationship within Himself (Father, Son, and Holy Spirit). Its so great getting to experience a glimpse of that here on earth. Thank you Jesus for friends! Here's to #100daysofpraise

HEB 10:24 And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works