You Make Me Brave

Confession: for the longest time I have been crippled by fear. Fear of getting it wrong. "It" being life- I've been controlled by the fear of not wanting to disappoint God, or my family, or friends, or society. Last semester, while praying and seeking God about what direction to take after graduation, I listened to Bethel's album "You Make Me Brave" just about every single day. The Holy Spirit was so faithful to make the lyrical truths from the songs encourage me, through a difficult season. 

Lately, I feel like I've been bombarded with the reality of my inadequacies and my weaknesses.
I am in such a new season. So many new things are happening in my life, and in all honesty, my propensity and "natural response" is to do what Diana always does...RUN. Run in fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the possibility of getting it wrong,..again. This fear threatens to grip me regarding my decision to stay in Tallahassee to intern with my campus ministry (fearing I made the wrong decision or won't raise enough funds), my relationship with my boyfriend (fear of the unknown), my friendships and familial relationships ( fear of being a disappointment), etc.

But, God is faithful!

On my wall I have two gifts that I've received (at separate times) from 2 dear sisters in Christ. Both gifts have a line from Prov 31, "She is clothed with strength and dignity". I see those signs almost everyday, and for the longest time, I could never believe that it described me. I didn't see anything about myself that was strong, or brave. That sign is right above my mirror, and above my keyboard, and everyday I see them, yet I never thought they described me. Romans 4:16-18 says that God made Abraham a father of many nations, even before Abraham had a child. God has called those things that were not, as though they were. He did it for Abraham, and He is doing it for me. God sees me as fearless, and bold, and brave in Christ, and He is transforming me into that image from glory to glory 2 Corinthians 3:18.

Yesterday I was asked to do a bar challenge for the Marines who were promoting on campus. If I held on to the pull up bar long enough I would get a prize. At first I said no. But then, I decided to do it. I got boosted up to the bar, and I held on. and held on. and held on. And guess what? I apparently did really well. I got to choose from some cool paraphernalia. I did something that I thought I'd be no good at, and succeeded. And if that wasn't enough, last night I went rock climbing (indoor bouldering) with my small group. I don't like being high up (all 5'2.5 of me lol). But I went rock climbing, and I reached the top...3 times!  I was so shocked because it was scary, but I persisted. I didn't always make it to the top the first time, but I eventually did! I love the way God can use the little things to teach us such huge lessons. 

These days I will be reminding myself of I John 4:18 that there is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. Truly, the perfect love I have in Christ, is more than enough to cast out any fear or doubt that I have. He makes me brave.