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| Freshman year of college 2011 |
I would love to start from the very beginning, except I have no idea where that is. Throughout the years my weight has fluctuated, within about 10-15 lbs, depending on the season of life. Usually, during life transitions I either gain, or lose weight, until I stabilize to my normal weight. For example in college during freshman year, I gained about..15 lbs (Freshman 15 anyone?), that eventually stabilized back to normal.
Then around the time when Khory and I were dating, I ended up losing weight, and going back to my high school weight, unintentionally. I guess I was running off of the butterflies he gave me. After getting engaged/married, I gained back some weight. Currently, my weight has once again stabilized, and I think it has established its new normal, but..this number still isn't the ideal number I would like to be.
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| Wedding dress shopping 2016 |
So what's the big deal you ask? Well, the big deal is that, this time around...I haven't been very kind to myself, as far as the thoughts I have had towards myself. I am grateful for my mother-in-love pointing out to me that I wasn't necessarily being kind in the way I was viewing my body. So, although I have been exercising more often, and continuing to eat healthy, I have still been extremely hard on myself for the lack of progress I've seen. And honestly guys, I'd be lying if I said that unhealthy options for losing weight hasn't sometimes crossed my mind. I think we develop this idea of what beauty is and what it looks like for each of us, and sometimes it's frustrating when you feel as if you're not measuring up. In all honesty, no matter how many times other people say " your body is beautiful just the way it is" or the million and one compliments my husband gives me, if I don't believe them, then the impact is only momentary.
Admittedly though guys, this isn't just a physical issue. I truly think the Lord is stretching me to love the way I look, and be kind to myself in an area that I didn't even think I was struggling in...or at least, not forthcoming about. The journey isn't necessarily fun, but I know it will be worth it. I want my daughter, and all her future siblings to know their worth in Christ, and to love the way the Lord has made them, even if they have aspects they'd like to improve on.
So, here's my current game plan to having a healthier view of my body:
- I'll ask the Lord to renew my mind and habits
- I'll keep making healthy choices
- I'll speak and think kind words about my body
- I'll put on my red lipstick and dance/ sing as hard as I can to "This is Me" from the Greatest Showman ...it's therapeutic
Be encouraged, God is on your side :)
Hey Diana don't be dismayed this is actually something I'm dealing with as well. Somedays I find that I'm kinder too myself and other days not so much. My weight hasn't leveled out back to its normal, but I'm going to:
ReplyDeleteMedicate on what God says about me: that I'm fearfully and wonderfully made.
I'm going to eat healthier, exercise now, and be content in my skin. The funny thing about contentment it doesn't necessarily mean you stop working towards your goals. It means that you put your self image in it's respective place, which enables you to focus on your goal, with the mental anguish of constant self chastisement. You're beautiful as a person and inside! Give yourself the grace to grow. Butterflies start off as fluffy like caterpillar before they grow into their final state.
Love, love love!! You're so right about contentment, and that it doesn't mean we stop working towards our goals. I so greatly appreciate you opening up Tia!! Love you so much!
DeleteHey love Ashley here and I know what it’s like to struggle with self image. I do it all the time privately because I never knew how to just come out and talk about it. After having my daughter, I didn’t even recognize my body. The weight gain was crazy, the stretch marks are very present and my once flat stomach is just non existent at this point. Every time I would look in the mirror my body would remind me of what I’ve been through. But thank God for his love and mercy, that reminds me that He chose me for this journey. That if it wasn’t for Him my daughter wouldn’t have the life she has. That He is the reason she smiles and is so silly. Because of Him I can look at my body and no longer cry but feel the love that He had for me that gave me strength to face everything with a smile on my face. I still feel sadness, but I’m human. But Jesus is my rock and I find my joy in Him. I’m so proud of you for your bravery and sharing with us your journey. God has his hands on you cuz. Just keep putting in that work! I love you!
ReplyDeleteWow cuz! I am so blown away. I admire your bravery and honesty so very much. I love you dearly. I love how God can use every single thing for His glory .You're such an inspiration, my dear!
DeleteHey doll! I struggle with this DAILY! I’m prettt sure I have struggled with this concept since middle school. Back then, I’d say that I had a healthier approach, and while it may be better than my current, it still wasn’t great. I’ve recently been complaining about the 13-14 lbs. I’ve gained since transitioning to Tallahassee. While in grad school, I lost SO MUCH weight that people frequently told me I was too small, and ironically, I liked the size that I was. I wasn’t exercising as consistently back then. Now, I workout consistently, and it seems like my weight is increasing constantly. My husband loves the weight gain and constantly compliments me, but At this moment I’m not happy with my body image. For years, I have feared becoming what I see a lot of the women in my family become at a certain age. I’m genetically predisposed to a lot of health problems and I fear that. My mom is currently on a weight loss kick. She’s been a bit healthier than her mom, sister, and aunts, but she struggles with knee problems, so she’s dieting and working out more. It seems like hitting 30 has made weight stick to me. It’s either that or marriage. I constantly feel bad if I think that I ate too much. Sometimes, I’ll drink caffeine because I know it curbs my appetite, although my appetite is already pretty small. I struggle with how some of my clothes fit in comparison to last year. I talked about going swimming this weekend with my husband, but started to back out because I’m scared of how I might look in my bathing suit. His response was that he was happy with me and asked who else I needed to impress and my response was that I’m not impressed with myself. The worst part about it all is that I at times feel like SUCH a hypocrite sitting with clients and processing body image issues or the necessity of taking care of themselves because I know that I am currently struggling with a similar concept. I try to adopt the same things that I tell them. I try to remind myself that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I try to remind myself that for the most part, I eat healthy, and I workout consistently, but I also still struggle �� ...daily. At work, I don’t always eat. Sometimes, it’s because I’m not hungry, but other times, I think that I’ve mentally tricked myself into believing that I’m not hungry. I’ve struggled processing the body image issues of my clients and felt the need to be defensive because one of my supervisors knows that my eating patterns are sometimes strange, but she sees my appetite as my norm, while I’ve at times been concerned if she looks at it more from a clinical perspective. Anyway, Thanks for being transparent. I don’t have tips or tricks for improving body image necessarily. I just try to accept myself on a daily basis for who I am although what other people see does not always coincide with what I see. I try to remember that my husband is happy with me. I try not to get upset if my clothes aren’t fitting the way that I want them to fit (although, I need to stay a certain size to fit that dress I ordered for November). I try to remind myself that being healthy is what’s important, not the number I see on the scale. Love you doll! Thanks for sharing and being transparent!
ReplyDeleteBlown away literally doesn't even begin to describe my response to your comment. I feel like I could've written it . Hubby is the same exact way...loves me at a heavier weight. And as i said, prior to marriageI was at my lowest weight in ny adult life..without even trying . Also, ive found it much harder to quickly she'd pounds as I used to . so crazy. Honestly,its so crazy to hear all this coming from you because... I literally look at you and I think "wow..look at her!!". But we don't always view ourselves as others view us. I love you and I hope we can support each other in this journey. Your transparancy and your response has done more for me than you can even imagine. I love you!!
DeleteAwww...I love you too! And yes! Let’s support each other!
DeleteI can't say much on the topic besides the fact that you stay Golden. You have supportive networks all around you to uplift and enrich. Keep fighting the good fight! You got this Dee.
ReplyDelete